Pre-marriage counselling - christian and general questions UK

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What’s the point of pre-marriage counselling? If you ask young couples the question of whether things have changed in general since they got married, you might get the odd ‘absolutely nothing’; a sprinkling of ‘yes, it’s different, but I can’t explain how’; hopefully lots of ‘it’s great!’; but probably very few ‘it has totally changed everything’.

But it usually does change things, and some of the changes only become clear very gradually. The biggest immediate transformations may well be observed by young Christian couples who have not shared a home or a bed before marriage. But people who aren’t in this category are not exempt. For most people, whether they would consciously agree with it or not, living together is not the same as being married.

Many pastors, vicars and priests will ask couples who are planning to get married in their church to undertake a course of pre-marriage counselling sessions with them or another church leader. For committed churchgoers this might be an integral part of the wedding preparations. Others – and there are many – who want to get married in their local church but not to have to go to it every Sunday, may simply see it simply as something they have to do.

But it might well come as a surprise how useful it is. There are lots of practical things to think about before a wedding; so many that it can be hard to find time for reflection on what marriage means, now and in years to come. An opportunity, voluntary or otherwise, to experience pre marriage counselling in what is ideally a positive and helpful atmosphere might be appreciated even by couples who don’t see themselves as committed Christians.

Be that as it may, it’s worth considering briefly what the Christian understanding of marriage is: a sacrament, an ‘outward sign of inward grace’. Sacraments are associated with the biggest events in life: the other major ones are related to birth and death. Hence the triad of ‘hatches, matches and despatches’ listed in the newspaper. Being born, falling in love, experiencing the birth and death of loved ones, and finally dying ourselves – these are the most important things that happen to us, Christian or not.

So marriage, in the Christian view, is a serious business. But it’s not just Christians who take it seriously, of course, and as we’ve said, any prospective married couple can benefit from suitable pre-marriage counselling. There are various ways to find a counsellor. Word of mouth recommendations from family and/or friends are particularly handy in this case – because of its nature, couples may be more ready to talk with others about pre marriage counselling than other forms of counselling. If it’s Christian pre marriage counselling you’re looking for, a church leader could be the first port of call.

© The Pink Fridge Online Magazine 2008 - Pre-marriage counselling