Online safety - dating safely on the internet

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Like every community online dating sites contain all elements of a society and, while the bulk of those using the site will be there for a legitimate purpose, you also need to be on the lookout for con-artists , crooks, deviants and the downright dangerous.

Dating sites not only provide anonymity for lonely hearts, but also for a number of dubious characters that prey on the vulnerable or naïve.

Dont Be Naïve

So dont necessarily believe all you see and read. The attractive photo accompanying a glowing profile may have come from anywhere on the Internet and the words may be a pack of lies.

Women particularly need to be very sure that the man they are talking to lives up to his online promises and in particular that he will pose no danger.

Most women have learned to make these judgements in real life and on line is no different. Dont hesitate to ask questions, confront issues and challenge inconsistencies.

In particular women should remember that a large number of men lie about their marital status and you might have to make a call as to whether that matters to you or not.

Profile Name.

One of the first rules of Internet contacts for both women AND men is to not give any personal details and never sign in under your real name, even if you do post a picture. Most reputable dating sites advise this very clearly to members and its a good rule of thumb. Good sites allow you to communicate as long as you wish with another member anonymously, using a "handle" or nom de plume.

Email

If email is sent from the site you should check (even test) the site mail system to see that it does not reveal your real email address in any way. The last thing you want is a persistent, threatening or highly unsatisfactory contact stalking you by email to your private account. If you cannot get an anonymous email account, dont list your private email address. Set yourself up an anonymous account at a service such as Gmail or Yahoo.

Be careful when you have made first contact that you do not reveal your name unadvertently by sending photos or other documents directly to the other person from an account with you real name built into the message (such as Outlook and Outlook Express).

Chat online until you feel comfortable about meeting up, and don't ever be pushed into a date or feel pressurized into giving away any personal information. Trust your instincts, if something feels weird online, don't ever offer to meet in person.

Its often useful to move to an anonymous Internet Messenger Chat situation after a while where more normal conversations can be held and in that more conversational environment is easier to make judgements. Sometimes its useful to voice your doubts or ask difficult questions and make judgements on the speed of response or the caginess of replies.

Meeting

If you do decide to meet in the flesh use your common sense; you may feel like you know this person from your online encounters but really you're agreeing to meet a complete stranger. Always meet in a public place where there are plenty of other people around and make sure to tell a friend where you are going, who you are meeting and what time you'll be back. Arrange to call them as soon as you're home again.

If you have any doubts at all arrange to text a friend from the location and tell your date the reason. Under normal circumstances that will be because you feel OK with him (or her) and they should not be offended by your caution, particularly if they have passed scrutiny.

As you chat to your date watch out for information that doesn't match up with what you've been told previously. If things seem a little suspect, don't ignore the warning signs. Make a polite excuse and leave. There are plenty more people out there on the dating websites and its not worth taking risks.

Transport

Maintain your independence until you are fully comfortable with your new friend. Never agree to be picked up from home and don't accept a lift home either. Meeting during the day may make for a safer first encounter and a broader number of excuses to use if you feel the date is going horribly wrong.

Alcohol

Even if things are going well watch how much you drink as alcohol impairs your decision making, and be careful not to leave your drink unattended: spiking of drinks is becoming more common in all circumstances and you should be cautious.

First Date

Play it safe on your first date - if things go well you'll have plenty of time to get to know your new mate on subsequent days out. Follow your instincts, use common sense and enjoy what could be the first encounter of a new long term relationship.

If you have a bad experience dont let it put you off. It could equally happen at a pub or work related event. Just learn to read the signs next time.

Scams

As in any other environment where strangers meet and mix there is a fertile feel for con-artists and fraudsters. They may not only be playing with your emotions but could be on the lookout to get their fingers on your bank account.

Be wary of parting with any money you would not willingly spend. Take normal precautions with your valuables, credit card numbers and cash, and most of all dont fall for get rich quick schemes, part payments on holidays together, or sudden attempts to get you to invest in a business or property.

Remember that some of the worst con-artists in history have been lovely gentlemen who preyed on vulnerable women.

Protecting Others

If you have a really bad experience with an individual and feel that misinformation or a lack of transparency could impact on others on the dating site, do your civic responsibility and let the site administrators know. They will decide whether to take action but at least you have done your bit.

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